Feeling low after an HIV diagnosis

The treatment is the part that works quickly. The part that takes longer is everything else, and almost nobody warns you about that.

This is not a weakness, it is the normal shape of it

Shock, then numbness, then something closer to grief. Sleeping badly. Going over how and when. Feeling fine for two days and flattened on the third. Not wanting to tell anybody and resenting having to carry it alone at the same time.

Most people describe some version of this, including people who now say it barely crosses their mind.

What tends to help

Telling one person. Not everybody. One. The weight of a secret is mostly in keeping it.

The next blood test. Watching your own numbers move does more for the fear than reassurance from anyone else does.

Ordinary structure: sleep, food, getting outside, something to do with your hands. Not because it fixes anything, but because the days stop being about one subject.

Talking to somebody who has been through it rather than somebody explaining it to you from the outside.

When to ask for more

If it is getting worse rather than slowly better, if you cannot sleep for weeks, if you are drinking or using more to get through the evenings, or if you have stopped seeing the point, that is a reason to say so out loud.

HIV clinics are used to this. Many have a psychologist or a health adviser attached, and asking costs you nothing. Your GP is another route, and the wait is usually shorter than people expect.

If tonight is bad

In the UK, Samaritans are on 116 123, free, any hour. THT Direct is on 0808 802 1221. Wherever you are, our crisis page lists a number for your country.

Nothing about this has to be decided tonight. It only has to be got through.

Where this comes from

Talkpositive is peer support, not a medical service. Anything about your own treatment belongs with your clinic, and they will not mind you asking.

If you would rather ask someone who has been through it

Talkpositive is a free, private community for people living with HIV. No real name needed, nothing public, nothing in search engines. Small rooms by what you are going through, and quiet one-to-one conversations that open only when both people have said hello.

Have a look at Talkpositive