Dating when you have HIV

Once treatment has kept your viral load undetectable, you cannot transmit HIV to a sexual partner. That is the finding of studies following thousands of couples over years, with no transmissions.

So the risk conversation, which people dread, is a short one: there is no risk. What is left is how the other person feels about it, which is a different problem and a human one.

There is no correct moment and anyone who tells you otherwise is describing their own preference. Early costs you less if they react badly, because you have invested less. Later protects you while you decide whether you trust them.

Most people settle on before anything physical happens, and before a great deal of emotional weight has built up. Both of those tend to arrive sooner than planned.

It happens, and it says what they know, not what you are worth. Someone whose information is thirty years old cannot make a good decision in the first thirty seconds.

Give them the facts, give them a day, and let them come back. Some do. The ones who do not have told you something useful early.

PrEP is medication a partner without HIV can take to protect themselves, free on the NHS from a sexual health clinic. It is not needed when you are undetectable, but some couples want a belt and braces, and it is available without any argument.